Yonder - I Found It!

AMAZING

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 21:52:39 GMT

Hello all. Yes, I know... it's been ages since my last blog, and I've made so many promises to try to get "regular" again, and here I am, sadly a pathetic blogger ignoring all her friends AGAIN. I'm sorry, but truly, when you hear all that's been happening, you'll understand, I'm sure. My biggest problem is WHERE TO START.

Ok. Here goes. Promised other stories were: (1) puppy news, (2) car news, (3) My Aunt Merce moving here news, (4) my cousin Pio moving here... and THAT's a story!, (5) new stuff with B and his job, (6) updates on mom, (7) updates on my friend from Columbus, GA and whatever else might have happened. Really, if I write all that's happened since June, the last time I blogged... I'll be here forever.

In the words of Enigo Montoya in "The Princess Bride", "Let me a-splain... no no, that's a too much... let me sum-up":

Puppy news: Elvis is now HUGE... probably around 70 lbs or so. He's absolutely beautiful, although a bit lacking in the brain department. B has COMPLETELY adopted him, finally... it was a process. Now, however, B and Elvis are best buddies. Elvis lives for B to come home from work and play with him. He jumps all over him, waits for him to sit in his lounge chair and climbs on top of him... literally ON top of B's lap, like a baby, and reaches up to lick his face. He gets treats and new bones almost daily, and they wrestle on the floor, play football and frisbee outside, and where B goes, Elvis follows. Other than B's rather volatile, though loving relationship with Simon the cat, I think this is the first time B has allowed himself to love an animal... ever... in all of his life. I think this is a good thing. People who can find it within themselves to love something small and generally more helpless than themselves seem to be more human to me... more down to earth.

Car news: Well now, this one has changed a couple of times. I know I put pictures of my "bought at auction" Mercedes in one of my blogs... or talked about it or something..so, since then... let's see, B traded his 89 Chevy pickup 4x4 for a 95 Ford pickup 4x4 which is prettier, runs a bit better, and is stick shift rather than automatic. He's got a car payment (to his boss) now, but no interest, and he can afford it, so it's cool. Also, since then we sold (well, barely sold) the Mercedes to B's uncle (who's wanted it since we got it... it's his favorite vehicle) and we took that money, and the money I got from a fender bender, and we put it toward a Yukon that B's boss was selling, so that's MY new vehicle. I like it a lot... it's a 96, and runs very well, and as I will explain a little later, it's a better vehicle for me now.

Aunt Merce Moving here: Ok, now that was also a bit of a process. First, she's visited and "lived" here (for a few months at a time) several times over the last 5 years or so, even working with me here at the bonding company, part time, on one of those occasions... but she had to quit and tend to her mom (my Abuela) until her death. My aunt has planned to move here all along, but never followed through for one reason or another. Now, however, she is HERE.

She came and moved into the office, working for the bonding company again part time, while looking for a place to buy and move into here... I think it was some time in June... around the 15th. We looked daily.... driving all over the northern part of Georgia, checking listings on the computer several times a day and in every site we could find, and even stopping to check for sale by owner houses. Finally, after seeing so many different neighborhoods she was convinced that the first one she'd fallen in love with was her favorite. However, that area is full of very expensive houses and there was NO WAY she could afford to buy there. Until... we came across a CONDO for sale in the middle of it all. She hadn't considered Condo's before, but this one was just at the top of the "affordability" scale for her, in her favorite area, and even better, completely (and I mean completely... new tile floors down and carpet up, new paint, new cabinets and countertops, NEW) re-modeled.

After a bit of negotiation, and almost giving up completely a couple of times, she now owns her own Condo, and is very happy. She moved into it around the first of October, and within a week my cousin Pio flew in from Puerto Rico to live with her while he looked for a job and a house for his mom (my Aunt), and his sister, (my cousin).

My Cousin Pio moving here: Well, after being here less than a week, Pio hated it. He said he was used to movement, lots of people and action, and it's just too quiet here. Now, we'd all been told by him that what he wanted was a "quiet country life with a small house on a little bit of land" for him and his girlfriend and son to live in... he was tired of all the hustle and bustle of the city, and all the legal problems he'd been having for years. However, I guess he just wasn't ready. So, he flew to Las Vegas and stayed with my dad while he found a temporary job to work at while he waited for another job he'd been "offered" by a friend of his to come through. It never did, and Pio grew disgusted with Vegas again, and flew out here once more to check it out.

Since then, my other aunt, Pio's mother, has flown out here and found the house of her dreams, with enough rooms in it for her son and his family, and her daughter to live with her. It has enough land around it so as to be semi-private and allow Pio to build a shop if he wants and her to have porches and decks expanded all over the place, yet is smack dab in the middle of lots of growth, and shopping and sub-divisions, which is exactly what they all wanted. So, now they're all here. Permanently... they say for the rest of their lives... we'll see. I think there's nomad in my family... we've all moved from one side of the country to the other... several times.

New Stuff with B and his job: Wow, this is a really BIG one. Job-wise, he's basically moved to the top... or, as high as he can go within the company he's working with. He's just under the owners, a father and son team that have been running this business for 26 years, and who have expressed that in all that time they've never had anyone they could trust to run it as well as they do themselves... until now, with B. They've raised him from $8/hr which he started at 2 years ago, to the over $12/hr he's making now. He also works between 50 and 60 hours a week, which gives him a nice amount of overtime, and he manages more often now, rather than getting his hands dirty doing the work. He's trained several people, and trained them WELL, so that they are more reliable for the company, and he's liked by all the workers because he's made it important to get those who deserve it raises and perks. The customers all love him because schedules are being kept and the work is being done correctly.

On a personal front, his dad is still alive, though now completely bed-ridden. He has good and bad days, continues to refuse to see a doctor because he believes that God has done more for him than any doctor could have, keeping him alive four years longer, so far, than the doctors said he had left with his colon cancer. He keeps B hopping with daily calls requesting one thing or another for dinner, or please bring me a pack of cigs or whatever else he can think of... mostly food because that's his only enjoyment left in life. B is happy to do it, though it's frustrating and interrupts something every day. He knows there's going to be a time, not too distant in the future, when he won't have his dad around any more. Plus, there were so many years... mostly all his life, when B was such an out of control alcoholic and druggie that he had no contact with his family... well, no pleasant contact anyway. I think he's making up for lost time/relationships.

Updates on Mom: Well, mom is still living in Seattle with my brother Chris and his wife and two kids. She's watching the kids while their parents are working, three days a week... ostensibly in exchange for room and board... though she uses her money to buy groceries all the time, and she does a LOT more than just watch the kids. It's her own choice... I don't think they've actually asked her to do these things, but she does laundry and dishes and picks up and vacuums... all but the bathrooms I think, and that's only because her knees and wrists can't take it with her osteoporosis.

She's been out there about a year and a half now, and my brother is finally getting done with the basement studio he promised her before she ever moved. She bought this special toilet that chews up all the matter because it's flushing and going up rather than down, with her own money... which bugs me because she makes around $600 per month to live on and my brother and his wife make VERY good money, and more than that, by her watching their kids they are saving about $10k a year in child care.

I think it was a bit difficult at first, especially for mom, adjusting to living in another woman's home, and wanting to be careful not to embarass or make my brother uncomfortable in any way, but they all seem to have adjusted. I know once mom has her own space... if it will EVER get done so she can move down there, that she will feel more like herself and be able to be more independant again. She's committed to spending another couple of years there... until Torin is in school, and the kids adore her, constantly asking when Gran'ma is coming back whenever she goes anywhere to visit her other kids.

I really miss her though, and now... well, there are things in my life now that make me want her around even more than before... I'll explain later. I thought that having my Aunt here would kindof make up for the hole left when mom left... I didn't have anyone to do things with anymore... B is limited in his interests and doesn't make the effort to do things I like to do... like mom used to. I thought I'd have my Aunt to do things with after she moved here, but it's a very strained situation with her because of the violence she witnessed with B and me a year and a half ago when she was visiting and had to "rescue" me from him. She hasn't forgotten or forgiven, and no matter what changes B has made, and continues to make, she can't seem to let it go. Anyway, that's another story.

The last promised update was on my friend from Columbus, GA. Her business is progressing along extremely well, and I believe they're going into production of the test models in the spring. She's continued losing weight and is looking and feeling extremely fabulous, and makes me ashamed of how little I do to be healthy, compared to her. She's moved out of the disfunctional home of her parents and has her own apartment now, which she loves... and I've yet to see, but I will... hopefully sometime in the spring... I can't do much travelling right now, but she comes and visits me occasionally, whenever she has business in Atlanta, and we go to dinner and catch up. She's about to be a grandmother again as her daughter is pregnant and due any time. She'll be spending the holidays in Colorado with her kids and other members of her family this year, and I think it's wonderful! She's in college, taking classes to get her psychology degree, and is loving that too. I can't begin to express how proud I am of her and how much her friendship and example, and her faith in God, has meant to me.

Ok, now, there is a LOT of new stuff too... things that are AMAZING and unbelievable (until you've lived them as I have), and just plain WONDERFUL that I have to share with you all.... but I have to wait on that because this blog is already too long. I probably won't get to do it until next week... or rather, over the weekend when I'm spending lots of time at work again, but I WILL get back here and update more.

I want to get around to a few spaces and see how everyone is doing. Take care, and know that even if I'm not actually writing, I am thinking of you all, and wondering how you are. I'll write again soon. God bless.

Too Much To Blog About

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 17:54:15 GMT

Hello all! I have certainly missed visiting everyone, and now I've been gone so long that I hardly know where to begin.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer... ours is way too hot here already. The worst part about that is the grass we've been trying to grow. With watering bans on and the weather so hot and no rain... it all adds up to baby grass that can't survive, and older grass that is brown and withering. Our brambles don't seem to have suffered at all though! They're just thriving and growing wherever they can... B keeps poisoning them, but I think he's just killing the tops because it seems for each one he kills two more spring up brand new. UGGGGH! I'm afraid it's rather a losing battle, and poor B is just wasting his time, but I have to admire his determination.

Yes, we are IN the house now. After zillions of delays, we ended up being able to get into the house about a week after mom got here. She opted to stay in the house before there was electric on, rather than stay over at my girlfriends house. I don't blame her much... she wanted to be relaxed and comfortable and staying at my girlfriends house would have entailed listening to her "problems"... of which she always has many, and entertaining her daughter, who is always full of questions and needs to be the center of attention... if she's not, she gets "sick"... mostly the fault of the mama though because she completely gives in to that... even encourages it. Though mom likes them both, and knows them almost as long as I do, she needed this trip to be relaxing.

My moms visit was wonderful. It was so nice having her around again... having someone who's positive all the time, who compliments me and builds me up all the time. I got so used to that for so long that I suppose I was spoiled. We did everything together - she spent time with me at work, and we talked a lot... I really miss that.

You know, I've realized lately that most of my life has been really priviledged. Yeah, I've had the childhood abuse and the alcoholic parents and the completely co-dependent life... I've made terrible choices in relationships, and I've left myself open time and time again to be used and taken advantage of. The thing is though, I was happy most of the time. I found joy in all the good stuff and poo poohed the bad... I didn't let the bad stuff rule my life. I stayed away from the negative news and papers, knowing the ugliness existed, but not feeling like I needed to steep myself in it... what was the point?

I've always been the type of person to do anything I could to help people... my family first, and then anyone who needed it... whoever I saw that looked sad, I'd smile and talk to them... if they pushed me away then I left them alone, but most of the time people respond to kindness and interest in them, and just having someone to listen, to give them a positive outlook on life makes a huge difference. I've always believed that if more people took interest... not to be nosy or push their views on another... but a genuine interest in that other person who crosses their path... if more people put forth just the tiniest effort to listen to another human being, this world would be 100 times better than it is now.

Well, enough philosophizing. I was saying I believe I've been rather priviledged in my life. I think it's because I refused to delve into the negative of this world and concentrated only on the good and the happy... my heart was always full and my head was not filled with sad things. I was always called a "dreamer"... well, yeah, I suppose I have been. Believing in the good rather than the evil of people... believing in the positive outcome of any situation if you put positive energy into it, rather than dwelling on what "could go wrong"... believing in love, real, forever lasting, both parties giving to the other, both parties caring enough about the other to put them first... as the Bible says, to treat one's spouse as you would treat yourself... even better.

My family didn't do anything to burst my happy bubble... neither of my first two husbands did either (I now realize after looking back)... they protected me from the ugly of the world... they humored me in my beliefs. The reason I know this now, is that my current husband doesn't do that. B is a realist.. .he has almost no immagination whatsoever, and because his life has always been hard, he has a hard outlook on life. He fills his head with shows like "Cops" and "Dog the Bounty Hunter" and all kinds of news and other "reality" tv shows... it's almost all he watches besides sports... sports of any kind. I've always watched shows that were family oriented... sit-coms and romantic comedies, sci-fi or fantasy... happy things. I've never liked war movies or scary movies... things that end sadly.

I'm realizing all this, and I'm working on removing the negativity again. If B wants to fill his head with it all, then more power to him... I don't think he can ever be as happy as I will though. I'm not watching that stuff with him anymore... even if it means I spend less time with him... I'll go into another room and watch something positive, or get on the computer, or do some crafts or something. I LOVED my mentality before... I was happy in my separation from the ugly... and I am happiest when I can believe that the little bit I can do to help whoever I may come into contact with actually makes a difference somehow. I know it does, because sometimes, years later, someone will stop me and tell me what a difference I've made for them... how my helping them made a real impact. I think that's a wonderful thing, and I want to continue to be that way... no matter what the odds are... if I try with 100 people and only one smiles back... it doesn't matter... perhaps someone will remember me saying hello to them and smiling in the grocery store line, and they'll smile later in the day rather than frown. That's enough.

Heavens! How did I get on this track? Back to updating.

Mom helped B and I move all our stuff into the house... thank goodness I'd packed really well... hardly anything was broken. I lost my huge Thanksgiving platter with the grapes and vines designes, and the giant bowl that matched it, but other than that I think everything made it... oh, one of my Christmas wine glasses broke too... but I still have 11 good ones, so I think I'm ok.

Most of the stuff is put away into closets and cabinets now... I'll have to take pictures of it and show everyone... it really is a nice house, despite the things the "builder" didn't do properly. We notice things all the time, and we basically have to shrug it off... otherwise we would walk around unhappy all the time, and B is so happy it's hard to do that.

B does things around the property nearly every day. He works, and he comes home and works in the yard, or does laundry, or sometimes sits and watches his programs. I just got him a big lounge chair for fathers day, and he's in love with it... even had me put a cover over it so it "wouldn't get dirty from the animals"... he didn't think of that before, with regard to my couches... hmmmm. I'm kidding, I think it's cool that he's so into the house and the improvement of it .... whatever he can do himself.

Our porches ARE unlevel, but not as much as they look... actually it's the house that's not level either, so the two combine to make a really sad looking result that looks WAY off level to the naked eye... part of it IS optical illusion (as David suggested)... however, B has put lattice around the bottom of the porches and pretty stones all along the bottom at the ground, which makes them look nicer. He's tended the lawn as best as he can... has hired a couple of guys to come around when they have time and help him clear out the brambles and underbrush beneath the trees along the front and edges of the property (well the cleared part anyway).

Things are coming along very nicely... I'm still convinced that because this house was put on "created" land... they took down part of the hill on one side and built up the ground from the steep slant to a level place for the house and back yard, but they didn't leave it AT ALL to weather and settle... so I'm sure that at some time, if not this year then next, we'll end up VERY unlevel, or with a sink hole somewhere... somehow this land is going to settle and I'm a bit worried about it when it does... B says we'll worry about that when it happens... uh... ok (when we feel a big WHOOSH and then are tossed from our beds one dark night and all of a sudden we feel a huge THUD along with the sound of crunching house, he'll HAVE to address it then - he'll have to figure out a way to get the house back up the hill... if there's any flat place left to put it on).

I'm going to go now and put more stuff away... I actually have 8 hours off today (Imagine that!), so I'm trying to make the best of it. I'll do my best to get back and update some more. There's still (1) puppy news, (2) car news, (3) My Aunt Merce moving here news, (4) my cousin Pio moving here... and THAT's a story!, (5) new stuff with B and his job, (6) updates on mom, (7) updates on my friend from Columbus, GA... and of course all kinds of silly stuff that I somehow seem to find important enough to write about.

Thank you all for continuing to check on me and for showing interest in what's going on in my life... I promise I'll try to get round to visit you all very soon. I've attached some pictures of the inside and outside of the house before it was ready for us to move in... early stages after delivery. I'll try to take some more now that I have furniture in there and the foundation is solid and pictures are on the walls.

Super Quick Update

Thu, 03 May 2007 06:23:28 GMT

I have absolutely no time right now to write as I'd like to... it's already 2 am and I have to be up early... but here's a mini- update:

On the house: The block work is done, and finally stuccoed, and they actually did a pretty good job... left the place a shambles though. I asked them to leave me the left over sand, which they did, but they spread it all over the place... now how am I supposed to use THAT? Also, they left their huge bag of empty cement bags... thanks guys!

The decking people... ummm... very nice people, but not too good at what they do. The put the kick plates on the steps as an afterthought, so they come out past the steps... not really attractive. The porch in front is not level... I mean, It's visibly, to the naked and untrained eye, NOT level. The cement used to anchor the 4x4's to the ground (because the porches are not allowed to be attached to the house to prevent them moving... some weird code here) was piled around the 4x4's... so we have cement cow patties with the 4x4's plunked into the middle of them. NOT attractive, and now it's almost impossible to put some kind of facing on the porch to hide the underneath... at least, not that would look good.

The eaves... well, we're being told they need to order new pieces that will "match up properly" in order to fix that... ummm, they've known about this for well over a month now... I don't think the pieces are coming from China... well, even if they were, they'd be here by now if they'd done their job correctly.

As the company putting this all together is completely innept, they did nothing to get the electrical put on... other than put the meter box and the wire head on the side of the house. This means that it's going to be ANOTHER two to two and a half weeks before the electric is on. The special electrical engineer for the county had to go assess the situation and has decided we need to have a pole put in... the ones all along the road are not close enough he says. So, we're scheduled... I've been trying to get this taken care of for over a month but no one would listen to me... the house company did not want to do their jobs, so now we're stuck... AGAIN.

Mom is here, and she's sleeping over at the house, as planned... only without electric. I'd bought a roll away bed for her to sleep on while she's here already, and I had it over there already too... she didn't want to stay over at my girlfriends' house... she knows her too, actually used to sit for her daughter, but my friend is one to talk you ear off and mostly about her problems, and mom wants a rest... not a gab session or sob session.

OK... I'm fading here... got to go. I'll try to get back here soon. Luv ya'll! (Now if that isn't redneck I don't know what is!)

Marshall Tucker Band

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 01:37:12 GMT

On Friday night the Marshall Tucker Band played a concert here at the local center and it was to benefit the Homes for Humanity. I thought that was really great of them. B has always liked them, and so have I (though I didn't know it until B told me what songs they sing... didn't know the name, although I should have), and he bought tickets for us and another couple a few weeks ago. I'd been looking forward to it... just to get out together, and having the other couple with us, well, that was a perk.

It's been a long time since B and I went anywhere with other people... since he stopped drinking actually. Except for our trip out to Texas to visit his daughter and grandchildren... we went out with her and her husband one evening, and it was wonderful! B not drinking makes my social experience a lot better... though I still am tied up in wanting him to have a good time... a DIFFERENT kind of good time now that he's not drinking anymore... he really doesn't know how... I don't think he's ever socialized without it before.

We all went to Chilli's for dinner first and had very nice conversation. The food was good, as usual... it's one of B's favorite places to eat out, but it's usually a little more expensive than we can afford... except once in a while. Being as we go out a lot to eat, especially since we've been living in the office waiting on the house, we have to go to inexpensive places most of the time. They have these southwestern egg rolls (not really egg rolls at all as they're wrapped in flour tortillas, but they're tucked at both ends like an egg roll, and cut on a bias to serve them)... he just loves them... and of course that's what he had.

Afterward we all went to the concert. There was a warm up band that had "Mid-Life Crisis" lettered on their bass drum, so I assume that was their name, and they sang a song by the name of "Quarter-Life Crisis" which was actually very good. All their songs were good. The singer had a good voice and could actually carry a tune without synthesizers or any electronic manipulation of his voice at all... and the instrumentalists were right on. We were impressed.

Then Marshall Tucker came on. They were VERY LOUD... I think if the music had been turned down just a tad the voices would have been better, but they put on a good show. Not all the performers were from the original band (duh, as if they would be after so many years), and the lead guitarist was also an amazing vocalist... B said he sounded a lot like Marshall Tucker (I'm assuming that's the actual name of the main guy) used to sound. MT said himself that there were "some songs he just couldn't sing like he used to" and deferred to the guitarist to sing a couple of the songs where they just had to belt out the words.

The flutist / piano player / saxophone player WAS from the original band, and he was FANTASTIC. His flute just sang... he even trilled it... made me think of the flutist from The Moody Blues... I've been a couple of times to see them with my mom... we love them. I sat forward in my seat when he played... his notes were so clear and his music was so moving... made the whole concert worthwhile as far as I'm concerned.

B was quiet and still most of the concert... except for the songs that must have some inner meaning for him. He smiled a lot at their performance, and he tapped his booted foot, but there were a couple of songs that really lit him up. Not that he got up to dance or anything, but his body language was happy... his face was involved... emotion was actually visible to me. I swear I saw a tear or two when that song Can't You See? (What that woman's been doin' to me?) came on... I asked him about it later but he denied it... maybe it's something out of his past. I'm just glad he let himself get into it and feel it. Of course, the whole crowd really got into that song.

There is a site, www.marshalltucker.com that has all their concert dates for their 2007 tour, a place to buy cd's and promotional stuff, and a lot of information about the band, if anyone's interested... I found it very informative and sweet.

We got a t-shirt for B (I believe there should always be something to remember an event by) and I kept the ticket stubs and broshure (for my scrap-booking)... once I have my craft room set up in the house I'm going to actually put everything I've been saving for years for scrap-booking INTO one... or rather... I'll probably need about 10 by now.

I've joined a gym here... finally. I really need to work out... more for my energy level than anything... well, maybe more for my need to be out and among the human race rather than spending my life just working and waiting for B to get home from work and spend time with me. I need a life.

The gym I joined is really great. There's a work out room just for women, and they have a LOT of really great machines in there... new ones that work different parts of the body. I like that because I don't have to be out and among the other patrons... most of whom are not quite so... jiggly... as I am right now. I'll be able to get started this way and not feel self conscious. They also have a pool, which I'll have lots of fun swimming in, and a jacuzzi, steam room and sauna which I will have lots of fun relaxing in. I told B that I need this... I want to develop some kind of routine. If I can do that I think I can stick to it and make some progress.

I have my first "training session" with the buff body builder trainer guy on Wednesday at 11 am. I think I'll do the water arobics class first at 9 am and relax a bit... then see him and get pained at 11... he seems like a really nice guy who's eager to help me... of course, he's in totally great shape which will make me self-conscious, but I have to get over that if I'm going to get anywhere with this.

Once we're in the house... oh I hope that's VERY soon... tentative is final inspection for Friday of next week, but I'm not holding my breath... then I'll get back into the really healthy eating... having a full sized refrigerator helps when you have to have a place to put fresh veggies and salad stuff. I have to say I'm looking forward to it all. I'm tired of being tired. I'm fed up with always feeling run down and achy. Yuck! It's time to do something about it. (hear that? I'm really trying to build this up... convincing myself I can do it... I've never followed through before, but perhaps now... I'm alone so much of the time now... perhaps I'll do it... if for no other reason than to be around people).

Well, gotta go... time to feed the dogs... and cook for B too. Let you know how it all goes.

Lots O' Stuff

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 03:08:55 GMT

Spring was here... but it went away. I don't know about this weather...one day it's in the upper 70's, and the next we're having 50 degree weather. Dressing appropriately is a definite problem, which normally wouldn't bother me much but I'm still a little bit congested from that awful nasty cold/flu/whatever it was that I had for almost two whole weeks, so I'm trying to make sure it doesn't come back. Yesterday was lovely... a little windy, and then in the evening it decided to get cold and rainy. This morning it's freezing outside and the wind is very strong... my dogs are spoiled and don't like to go out in this kind of weather so I have to be especially vigilant with them to make sure (especially with Elvis our puppy) they go out when they need to rather than just finding a spot indoors for their "business".

Our house is just... waiting. We've not had anyone there all week (Today is Sunday). The company that built the house was supposed to go and finish up all the "punch out" inside... replace carpet, fix trim and door jams, etc. No one showed up. We've called the company that sold us the place... Palm Harbor (I don't advise anyone dealing with them... since my B bought the house through them we've heard many horror stories of their... antics... from several of their own sub-contractors), and they claim to be "on top of it" and that they're scheduling our home to be finished, but it's not being done.

We are at the exact same place as we were two weeks ago... nothing new has been done...well, they cleaned the stains on the ceiling with bleach and replaced a couple of light fixtures. That's it. Definitely frustrating and NOT what they keep promising.

It's even more frustrating now because. YAY!!! Mom is coming to visit! I'm so glad! I'm really looking forward to seeing her! I've planned all kinds of stuff for us to do together while she's here. We're going to the second of the three exhibits of the Louve (works brought over from Europe on an exchange thing) being held at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, and I'm going to see if we can go to the Aquarium down there too... but on different days because it takes an entire day at the Museum, and another one at the Aquarium, to see them properly.

I spoke to her about us going on a day trip somewhere and staying overnight... just she and I (B says he doesn't mind, and he doesn't like to do the things mom and I like anyway). We're thinking about going to Gatlinburg... she'll love the mountains up there and it's where B and I got married... I'd like her to see it as she's never been there before. There's plenty to do there also... another aquarium, a Ripley's believe it or not, putt putt golf, a train up the mountain (or is it a tram?)... lots of roads to explore and lots of really yummy food too. She said she'd love to go and is looking forward to it.

On our way back, probably on Saturday night, I'll drop her off at her friend's house in Blairsville and she'll stay with her until Monday morning. Then her friend will bring her down and we will meet in Helen and spend the day up there going to pottery houses and antique shops and galleries. Mom and I love that kind of thing.

Other things we could do, although I don't know if we'll have time or not, is go to the Botanical Gardens, or Six Flags (more for me than mom... she's not sure she can handle that anymore... I wouldn't know why not, but she says she's older now and not sure her body can take that), there may be a play going on at the theatre at Brenau or at the Gainesville College... I'm going to call about that... or see if there's a concert or something either at the Georgia Mountain Center or the Gwinnett Civic Center. I'm so excited!

B and I went over to the land again today (Tuesday) to spread more grass seed and hay... we did it a couple of weeks ago, but we didn't spread enough and so we only have sporadic grass growing... I think the birds and local chickens which wander the neighborhood got a good bit of it. We did have some gale force winds for a couple of days which blew a lot of it away... though I can't see where it landed because there isn't any piled up anywhere... mystery. We have to go buy MORE seed and hay though because we weren't able to finish it... just a couple of the areas... we still have about 2/3 left to go. It's cheaper than sod, but it's certainly not cheap... not with our limited finances.

As I was spreading the hay our puppy Elvis was running around the area in pure bliss. He was rabbit hopping over the piles of hay and skidding on the stuff I'd already spread... effectively uncovering areas of seed that I was covering. It was hysterical! It was also frustrating as I was being careful to lay out a nice carpet of hay to properly cover ALL the seeds we'd spread... obsessively I must add.... oooohhh... I see seeeeeddddsssss.... spread some hay... walk along and oooopppsss I seee more seeeddds.... spread some more hay... and here comes Elvis.... zoooommmm.... sliiidddeeeeeyyyyyy..... tumble tumble... big happy grin on his face, his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his eyes all lit up and wild.... I'd say "EELLLLVVVIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!".... stop short Elvis... look at me wildly.... aaaaaaannnnnn he's off!!! He had a blast! (On the way home he was PASSED out in the back seat... cold)

B went to the water company and put the water into our name today. The water line has been hooked up a while, but we've been reluctant to turn it on... everything else has somehow gone wrong with this house... we were positive that a line or two in the house wouldn't be properly put together and we'd have a flood or something. Well... B turned the water on. I was seeding and haying at one end of the property when he did it. I didn't hear anything for a couple of minutes so I thought, good, it's ok.

Then B called me and I looked up and he was angrily waving me over to him. I went and he asked me "what's THAT Edie?"... he was kneeling down looking under the house... and then I heard it. It sounded like a water hose open full power under the house... and the water was being poured into the moisure barrier.... making quite a pool that was dragging the barrier down to the ground. OOOOPPPPPSSSS! I said I didn't know what was causing it and as I said it a voice came from inside the house (the contractor) "TURN IT OFFFFFFF!!!" B took off... he ran. I mean he booked it to the other end of the house and turned off the main.

The contractor got under the house and came out almost laughing. Aparently the people who "seamed" the parts of the house together... it got here in pieces... put a "T" where there should have been only an elbow... therefore there was an open... completely OPEN... piece of pipe where the water was just shooting out of it. Humph. Seeing as it was a manufacturer error (wrong piece) the contractor fixed it... thank goodness we didn't have to wait for the guy from the dealership (who is supposed to be acting as our general contractor) to do something about it. We could grow old and grey waiting for that guy to do ANYTHING.

They tested it again and it's good now... we don't even have a flood inside the house anywhere... that we've noticed so far. I'd really like them to check the seams of the pipes under the big tub and under the sinks and in the access for the plumbing for the showers... I'd feel much better about it all if they would.

If the dealership would just get the block perimeter put in and the porches we could get our occupancy permit and start moving in. How long can it take to put 168 feet of block wall in? It's only two to three feet tall... and the porches are not substantial... it's one set of stairs at the existing porch, a front porch which is only a pathetic 4' wide by about 18' long... yeah, I know... it's going to look weird... and the back "landing" which is only 4' by 4' with the stairs to the back yard. Seriously... I wish he'd let me hire my own contractors to do all that stuff... it would have been done by now.

I'm still hoping against hope that we'll be able to start moving in at the end of the month. Mom could help me unpack some stuff and decide where I'm going to put it... there are soooo many cabinets in the kitchen. I'm thinking I could store a lot of stuff in them... other than just kitchen stuff I mean.... but what else can I put in there? Maybe my Christmas stuff? I know where the pots and pans are going... where the dishes are going... there's a big pantry for the food... actually two of them. I don't know. I guess I'll figure it out once we're in there. Maybe I'll let B have a couple of cabinets. If he's nice to me. tee hee!

Have a lovely day all! I plan to have one tomorrow.... my day off... well, 8 hours of it anyway. I'm planning on going over to the land and planting some hosta we were given from a friend's yard. If I can, I'll convince B to buy me some pavers and some mulch so I can create an area that I want... and I'll plant my wildflower garden too. Hopefully. I'll let ya know.

HAPPY EASTER

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 03:22:07 GMT

What an interesting and productive day! Happy Easter to everyone! It's been quite a full day for me... I'm finally feeling a bit better. I'm still coughing a lot, but my chest is not in so much pain anymore. I actually had energy today, for the first time in over a week, and it's a good thing I did because B threw his back out last night.

Poor guy... he's used to being able to do anything. He's always been so strong and when he was drinking, no matter how much he abused his body, he didn't feel a thing. Now that he's sober he feels the pain in his knees (he's had several surgeries on them... he played football when he was younger, and blew out both his knees because he wouldn't listen when they told him to rest.. he worked on them anyway)... he feels the aches and pains in all his joints from abusing his body for so many years, and he feels it when he overdoes it at work. He doesn't complain though. I hear him grunting and groaning some times, but I don't mention it any more because when I ask how he is he always says "fine" or "I'm ok"... he doesn't like for me to know he's human, I guess.

This morning I got up early and got all dressed up because I'd made plans to take B's Grandma to her church for Easter Sunday. She hasn't been going since before Grandpa died... she'd spent every second with him that she could, and then after he was gone I think she went through a very depressed time. I'd invite her to go to lunch and she'd sound happy about it and want to go, but invariably, before the time came to go she would call me and cancel. She want's to stay near her son, B's Dad, who is dying of colon cancer.

He's been almost completely bed ridden for almost a year now, and he's always been the "favorite" son... so kind and decent. He'd always taken care of his family.. cooked for them and cleaned house... made sure everyone had what they needed. He's always been there, and now that he's ill, he's unable to do much of anything anymore, but he still takes care of everyone emotionally as much as he can, and he never complains of the pain he's in... though he's not on any drugs for the pain or anything. He refused any kind of treatment over three years ago... the doctors told him he only had 6 months to live, and he figured he'd rather be at home with his loved ones than undergoing all kinds of tests and treatment all the time.

Grandma was ready to go when I got there and I walked her to the car. She was dressed so nicely in a black dress with yellow flowers on it and a yellow jacket to go over it. Her hair was all pretty and had just recently been cut (that's something she worries about... her hair). Because of the bone deep sore on the arch of one of her feet she wore black velvet slipper type sock-shoes, which she was self conscious about, but which actually looked really nice and matched her dress.

I had on a floor length white linen dress with short sleeves. It's just a straight down dress with a scooped neck... nothing fancy, but I felt "springy" in it. I had to wear a sweater over it because it's been so cold here lately, but I have one that's kind of fancy with little purple embroidered flowers up both sides of the button front and around the collar, and it's short sleeved too, so just putting it on and not buttoning it up looked nice. I didn't wear a lot of makeup because Grandma's church is a "Holiness" church and they're very conservative and strict.

We arrived early and sat in the back row... everyone who came in saw Grandma immediately and stopped to say hello and how happy they were to see her. She was beaming! Her face was so pretty with her smile from ear to ear and her eyes just sparkling with joy. She'd told me that she had never stayed away from church for so long before in her life, and she was just so "proud" to be there today. I was happy for her. I took the opportunity to tell her that I'd take her any time she wanted to go, and that I thought it would be good for her to get back to going regularly. She really does enjoy the fellowship. There's a new preacher in her church and she'd not heard him before. I was glad when she told me she really liked him and his energy.

Grandma's church is one where everyone prays out loud at the same time... I have a difficult time with that because I can't even hear myself think at that time... and I'm not one to pray out loud in front of others, so I can't join in... not even in my head because of all the other people raising their hands and praying out loud. I can appreciate their faith, and the ways they have, but I have a difficult time joining in. Prayer to me... personal prayer... is a personal thing between God and me. They did have one where the preacher prayed and asked everyone to bow their heads, and that I could understand better. There was a little skit where a few of the younger people acted out a song about Jesus rising from the dead, and there were lots of songs praising and thanking Jesus for dying to save the rest of us. The preacher gave an energetic sermon and the parishoners chimed in with "Hallelujah!", "Glory Be!", "That's right brother!", "Amen!", and "Praise Jesus!" throughout it. All in all, it was enjoyable... mostly because Grandma enjoyed it so much (she was one of the ones chiming in).

We left just before the last prayer so we could avoid the rush... Grandma has a difficult time walking and I think she's self conscious about it... going down the steps at the front entry was interesting... Grandma sideways taking one step at a time and clutching the railing... me just one step in front of her to her side to make sure she didn't tumble down the stairs... at least I could catch her if she missed a step.

We went to buy fish dinners for her and her three sons, and stopped off to get some bisquits and chicken for B and I. After dropping Grandma off at her house I went back to the office (home for now) and B and I ate together... poor B was having such a difficult time with his back! We watched the Majors Golf tounament at the same time, and I am so glad that the guy who won it did so... he's so happy and proud... it was very touching to watch. We also watched the Braves and Mets play baseball, and for B's sake I'm glad the Braves won... but I couldn't help but cheer for the Mets... after all, I AM from New York... plus it was fun to tease B.

I went to Home Depot and bought a bell for the office... wireless... YAY! My boss left me the money to do that as many times it's almost impossible to hear people knocking at the front door from the back room where B and I stay. I also got other things the office needed... a new 9V battery for the smoke detector (dang thing's been beeeeeping periodically for three days now... B and I are almost driven mad by it)... some flourescent lights for the dropped ceiling lights (we've been living for the last week with barely enough light to see ourselves in the bathroom... poor B couldn't shave very well), and some flood light bulbs for the four lights outside the building that shine down on our signs. Those haven't been replaced since they went out... oh... about 3 months ago or so I guess. Of course, my bosses knew they were out, but no one did anything about it. I got tired of it being so dark outside all the time and finally bought the bulbs today, and when I got "home", I put them in myself.

It's been quite a while since I was up on top of a 12' ladder... whew! I did it though. Plus I put the bulbs in the bathroom ceiling, and the battery in the smoke detector, and installed the bell. I'm just so handy dandy, aren't I? I feel like I've had a very productive day... compared to this last 10 days or so when I could barely do anything because of my cold.

I also stopped off at Petsmart and got a training "clicker" for Elvis. It's working too... I started with getting him to come to me... no matter what he was doing, and then taught him to "stay"... he's working on that one, but getting much better at it than he was. I bought him some training snacks too, and he's in love with them. We spent a little bit of time on the training, and I think it's made him happy... he was such a content puppy tonight... all lovey dovey with B, snuggling up to him and giving him puppy breath kisses on his beard. B was happy too.

I was thrilled today to get so many phone calls from friends and family. My sister and one of my nephews called, and we talked a little bit... I always love that. I called my dad and wished him a Happy Easter and I could hear in his voice he was pleased about it.. he was on his way out the door to church so we didn't talk long, but it was enough. My Aunt Merce called me too, and we talked just a little while... I always miss her... hopefully we'll get to see eachother soon as she's living in Florida now... a lot closer to Georgia than Puerto Rico is, that's for sure! I spoke to my mom too... though that wasn't for Easter... just to catch up. We talked for a long time which was great as I haven't spoken to her in a while... not a long conversation anyway. My friend Kelly called and we chatted a while... I couldn't believe how much is going on in her life that I didn't know about... it's only been about four days since we last talked. My other friend Teresa called too, as did her little girl Skye, and that was also a nice conversation. Skye told me all about her Easter Egg hunt and what she got.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Easter! At least the sun was out, even though the air was chilly the sun on my head was very warm. The sky was a beautiful blue and people seemed to be in good spirits everywhere I went. Definitely an enjoyable day!

A Speech and a Concert

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 23:00:41 GMT

A friend of mine, S, who I met through my B's work... she used to work in the same company he works at now... is currently working at Mansfield Oil, and they celebrated their 50th anniversary Tuesday night. She told me about it a few weeks ago, and said she'd like to take me (we jokingly referred to it as me being her "date") as her husband doesn't like to go to things like that... well, he doesn't go many places with her at all actually. Being that it was projected to be a kind of "posh" event, and somewhat political as well, he really had no desire to go. I accepted her invitation, happily.

We found out before the event that Colon Powel was going to be the guest speaker, and that Wayne Newton was going to be performing a concert afterward. There were meetings held at her company to prepare the employees as to the proper etiquette… and to discuss the evening and its events and the order of the events… unfortunately my friend S wasn’t there for the briefing.

She found out the important stuff afterward though… no photographing either guest during their time on stage. First would be a speech by the president of their company, then the speech by Colon Powel. This would be followed by dinner (they told her the menu consisted of a salad, followed by filet mignon, and for desert, lime cheesecake. After dinner Wayne Newton would perform for about an hour and a half.

She picked me up at about 5:30 and we hustled over to the Riverside Academy which is where the events were to take place. I’d been there before with B… his company used to do the floors there… and there are a LOT of floors there… all marble. The place resembles a castle… all brick on the outside and parapets along the roof line. The grounds are impeccably kept. Rock retaining walls are topped with flowering dogwoods and flower beds, and the lawns are vibrant green all year long.

I have to say that she looked lovely in a nice pair of black slacks and a black dressy sleeveless top with an embroidered design on it. She had her makeup done well, soft natural shades, and her hair, which is cut short, was upswept and a little curled on top. I was gorgeous too... or so B said. I had my hair, which is long, all curly down my back and pulled up and a little back from my face in the front (I must have used a whole bottle of hair spray... it's been ages since I've done anything with my hair other than just put a clip in it to hold it off my face and just leave it down). I wore my new (well, relatively new) white frilly blouse which is a sheer overshirt with wide sleeves at the wrists and a flowy flounce around the neckline and down to a "V" at the cleavage and down the front. There's a sleeveless white shift that goes under it which makes it a little sexy but completely modest. I had my flowy black pants on and my sheer Cinderella's glass slipper looking heels on. I felt good getting dressed up to go out... it's been a while.

We were shuttled from our parking space up three other levels of parking spaces… terraced levels of green lawns and winding roads between them… to the top level where we were let off at the door of the auditorium. It’s more like a theater with a large stage at one end and rising from floor level are three sections of seats spreading outward and up. There’s a balcony as well, with a terrific view of the stage, and this is where we were seated because we’d arrived late.

We timed it perfectly though as just as we were seated they announced Colon Powel (and we stood to clap with everyone else). His speech was inspiring and educational. He has a wonderful sense of humor, and the issues he discussed were some that are very close to my heart.

Mr. Powel spoke about his service in the army, and then his service to our government while under President Reagan. He spoke of his visits to other countries and his encounters with various dignitaries and foreign ministers and presidents… including Gorbechev prior to the taking down of the Berlin wall and subsequent “peace”. His roles were varied, though his mission was always the same… protect the United States.

He was cute the way he infused humor into the evening. He had the audience eating out of his hand. He’s 70 years old now, and he’s retired from the army, from the government, and though he’s supposed to be retired now, he realized (he said) after a very short time, that he and his wife were not ready for him to be at home all the time, so he’s active in motivational and political public speaking.

He’s very concerned about the situation over in Iran and Iraq. He said that although the administration doesn’t like him to call it this, what is happening over there now is a civil war… not between two factions, but between three (I couldn’t remember the names of them… sorry). He says although we really need to allow them to have their civil war and figure it out for themselves, we’d be leaving them at the mercy of another bad government, or the control of the drug lords. He says we don’t need to send any more troops there… we need to structure the “war effort” to properly educate and guide the people to a peaceful resolution and help them to form a productive government that will guide it’s people to prosperity.

He spoke of his visits to other countries and his reviews of their educational systems and how much better many of them are compared to ours here in the United States. One example he gave was of China importing a whole university (he didn’t say which) to teach their students. There is no comparison with what other countries spend on education and what we spend on it. He said we need to be more attentive to the education our youth is getting… that we are way behind.

He said he’s looked at the numbers and the studies and can compare the education of second graders in this country with the prison population and they directly correlate. I think that’s amazing… and very sad.

That’s an issue that really bothers me… has for a very long time. It’s annoying that there are actors and actresses, and sports persons making millions of dollars a year and a teacher, even a university teacher, the people forming the minds of the future generations, are making pathetic salaries. How are we supposed to attract the best of the crop and encourage them to become teachers if they can’t get decent salaries? What about an incentive program? What if teachers made a bonus at the end of the year based on their percentage of students who passed, or better yet, on the percentage of students who’s grades were A’s? Or how about getting a bonus for the students who make the most drastic improvement from one year to the next? Teachers would be encouraged to reach out to students on a whole other level.

Well, anyway, his speech was amazing and I was really glad we got to go. Dinner was good… very fancy and sparkly, and the food was flavorful and cooked to perfection. There were about 700 guests, and the banquet hall was filled to capacity. The conversation was interesting as the people who ended up sitting next to S and I (we’d started our own table because she knew very few people and I knew no one) were very nice couples who had actually grown up with the President of Mansfield Oil.

Wayne Newton’s show was very good. His musicians are amazing, and he has a backup singer, a woman, who he introduced as the gospel singer voted top in the country (sorry, I don’t remember her name). She sang a song and her voice was very strong and clear, and as she was singing to a bunch of southern Baptists (the majority), she went over VERY well… people actually gave her a standing ovation.

I have to say, and I’m sorry for those of you who love him (my B included), but Wayne’s performance, although very animated and energetic, was not so great. Maybe he had a cold or maybe he was just not in the mood or something, but his voice… goodness! I was very disappointed. B had told me that he had a wonderful voice… ummmm… not that night he didn’t. He didn’t know some of the words of the songs, he was off key quite often, and I think there must have been something wrong with his microphone because he faded in and out and half the time you could barely hear him through the band.

I have to give him credit in the musical instrument playing though. He played the piano and was pretty good… then he played the guitar (a couple of different ones) and he was really good there, and then he played the violin… WOW… he was amazing at that one! He played the banjo too, but I thought one of his other musicians was way better at that.

S and I left just before he did his encores so she could avoid the rush at the end. It was a very pleasant evening, and when I got home I spilled over with information… I had to share it with B. I had recorded it all on my voice activated recorder, but for some reason, it didn’t take… you can’t hear Colon Powel hardly at all, and certainly can’t understand what’s being said, and the concert sounds very far away… I don’t know… maybe I should have held the machine in the air or something.

Well, that’s what I did the other day… and I had a blast. I’ll get round to visit everyone within the next couple of days… right now I’ve got to go make dinner.

The Debacle

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:49:08 GMT

I asked my B if anything was the matter while we were at dinner tonight.

He took me to Ryans, and I had a wonderful time with their salad bar and the yummy chicken soup they had tonight. I love that place because I can eat a zillion veggies, cooked all different ways…and I don’t miss the starches or grease or anything. I had steamed corn on the cob, steamed broccoli with garlic, green beans (I think they were sautéed), and grilled zucchini.

Anyway, B was quiet… he’s usually quiet, but he seemed unusually so tonight, and all I could think of was how we were sitting there together, eating out, and not saying a word. I’ve often watched older couples together… out to eat and all they do is eat… they barely look at each other and they don’t smile or even look like they’re enjoying themselves… I always feel so sad seeing that, so, when it’s happening to B and I… I just can’t stand it.

He said everything was fine… he had a little bit of a headache, but then he said “aside from the debacle of this house I’ve tried to buy… everything’s fine.” Debacle? Debacle? I teased him about that one… I asked if he’d been reading the dictionary lately, and that got a smile out of him. He raised one eyebrow over his piercing and now sparkling blue eyes and said “Edie, I know a lot more vocabulary than you think I do.” That cracked me up and I had to keep teasing him… I said I’d never know it… how could I if he never used his vocabulary? He said he didn’t need to, then in an affected southern back-woods red-neck way said “most git whut I’m sayin’”. At least we were talking… I felt better.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how very different we are. He was telling me a story about the parents of a friend of his, and how they’ve stayed married, but don’t do anything together. They live separate lives in the same house… sleep in separate rooms and have mostly separate friends. He said he thought the man was very unhappy… it just “seems that way” to him. I asked him if he thought we were doomed to the same kind of future together.

That shook him up I think because he looked a little scared and he asked me why I would say something like that. That we were different because we love each other. I said those other people probably loved each other that way too at one time… what made him think we were any different? We have extremely different tastes, likes and dislikes… we do everything differently… think differently. The only thing we really have in common is that we love each other. He said that he was happy, and that it was enough for him… then he asked me if it were enough for me.

I had a hard time answering that one. I had to be honest and say I really don’t know… that I can’t imagine being more lonely than I am now, and that I didn’t want to end up just being glorified room mates. He said he didn’t know I was lonely… I was shocked! I’ve told him countless times, and I said that… I said I’d told him many times before… that I have no one to do things with, and that I’m not the type of person who likes spending extended periods of time alone. B wanted to know if I was lonely because he “won’t go to an art museum” with me.

It’s really so much more than that. I explained that having someone to go to things like that with is important to me. There are times he wants to go to specific concerts with me… one’s that he likes, or to places of interest to him… but anything I like… culture, classical music, ballet, any of the arts really, he shows no interest in… doesn’t even make an attempt to share that kind of stuff with me. I mentioned the aquarium and he jumped on that one… he said he’d love to go to the aquarium with me… that it might be a “one time only” thing, but he’d like to go…and he said it as if that makes everything all better. (He just walked by and said “you’re flogging your butt off, ain’t ya?”… he calls this “flogging”, rather than “blogging”, just to mess with me… it’s cute, really.

I hope he takes a little bit of our conversation to heart, really I do. I want it to work between us, but there has to be more effort on his part to share in some of the things that interest me. I do make the effort to share his likes. I watch sports with him on television… I’ve gotten to know some of his favorite players by sight so that I can comment on their actions during games…so he can feel like I’m participating… I get excited with him when his teams are doing well, and I try to console him when they’re not. I’ve even peeked in on the action of a race on occasion, when he was working and couldn’t watch it, and I’ve called him with updates on how his “Dale Jr” is doing…I sure wish that guy would win one for a change!

I don’t expect him to attend every little thing I want to attend…goodness… that would be too good to be true! I doubt anyone… male that is… exists that would like ALL the things I like, I’m realistic about that… but some things would be nice. Once in a while to have someone who would go to a book store with me and not rush me out… or who would like to go to a classical concert… and would actually enjoy the music… I can’t even play classical on my computer while I’m on it without hearing some derogatory comment from him.

I’ve learned to like country music because it’s his favorite… I’d NEVER listened to it prior to knowing B… and he knows that. Actually I catch him chuckling to himself once in a while when I’m singing to a country song… I can see it in his eyes and in his self congratulatory smile… he thinks he’s converted me.

Well, I really don’t want to complain so much… there are so many other things that he does that are very sweet, and I can see the effort he puts into spending time with me when I know he’d be happier somewhere by himself… he likes being alone… probably because of habit… most of his life he’s been a loner. Well, he says he likes being around me more than anyone else, ever, in his life, so that’s a good thing.

I want to just enjoy the times we have together, and not worry so much that it’s not enough… but I’m always so… I’m always wishing. Wishing that he took more interest in things I find fascinating… things I feel take talent and hard work… even just the architecture of an old building, or the way a small town is laid out (seen as we’re passing through it)… even the beauty of a garden someone has taken the time to plant… flowers in a yard… a beautifully manicured yard… many times I point these things out and he looks at me like I just grew another head or something. He says he likes that I’m observant like that, and that I appreciate everything, but that I’m silly.

I hope that with more encouragement from me he will find some enjoyment in a few of the things I do. I point out paintings sometimes and comment on the lines, or the color choices… or even the brush strokes that are visible or the hidden things in the background a person has to look for. He looks…sometimes I think I see interest, but it’s gone so quickly… I wonder if he thinks it’s not manly or something… if he thinks he shouldn’t be interested in things like that for some reason. I’ve asked him, but it’s like pulling teeth sometimes when I’m trying to draw him out.

I suppose in matters of art and music I’ve been more exposed to it than a lot of other people. Growing up in New York we had access to so much. Even in Vegas there are places of interest… but Atlanta has it all too… so does Savannah… though if you don’t venture forth very often I guess a small town like this one doesn’t offer much in the way of culture. It’s beginning to, now that it’s grown so much… and is continuing to grow. More concerts and events are planned here now than when I first moved here 11 years ago… I’m definitely grateful for that.

Somehow I’ve got to learn to do things more on my own. I don’t like it, but if I’m going to do the things I like… if I’m going to attend functions that don’t much interest B, whether he goes or not, and it looks like I am going to have to do that, then working on being able to enjoy it alone is a must. I suppose I’ll develop friendships with people with similar interests, which is what a lot of people do, I know. I just have always felt that a person’s mate… the person you plan to spend your life with, should be someone you can do anything with… someone who likes to do things with you just to BE with you, even if it’s not exactly their forte.

Well, time will tell. Hopefully there will be some kind of compromise in our future, and we’ll find our common ground… that is, some other common ground besides liking to go out to eat together.

Loopy, Woozy, Sicky

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 01:37:38 GMT

I am on medication right now. I'm loopy. My head is fuzzy and I'm a bit dazed... you know what that's like? I can just space out... I have no idea for how long... and I "come to" and find I'm looking at a crack between the ceiling tile and the trim (what's that trim called again?.... ummmm.... I don't know... I'll think of it later) so I thought, WHAT A GREAT TIME TO BLOG!

If some of this doesn't make much sense blame it on the Nyquil knock off I just had... 10% alcohol and it tastes like an alcoholic cherry... ugh! But it sure makes you feel all warmy inside! I'm taking it because of the awful cough I have... I get started coughing and it's like I've set off come kind of sadistic chain reaction... I can't quit, and it's from WAY down inside my lungs... we won't discuss the disgusting results of the hacking up.... ick! Of course, I'm taking the Nyquil like stuff to supress that awfulness... but I'm taking Mucinex too... to get it all out... am I being counterproductive? Hmmmm.

I also (and trust ME to have this happen... just having an awful chest cold is not enough) just got my...ummm... dot. So I'm also taking Midol for the cramps and bloating and general feeling of yuckiness... I'm just SURROUNDED by yuckiness! I know you are all sooooo happy to be sharing this with me... but I'm all woozy, so I'm using that as an excuse... I'll probably be contrite tomorrow... embarassed that I've shared my yickiness with blog-land, but ... well, there it is.

Let's see... ok... update about the house stuff. We're still waiting for them to put on the stairs to the side porch, finish the water line, hook up the still exposed septic tank (tee hee! I just re-read that phrase "hook up the still" and leaving it off there instead of adding the "exposed septic tank" part... tee hee! Hook up the still... yeah... I know I'm living in North Georgia and that's something that actually happens around here... but.... LOL... it just hit me!... Giggle giggle... Ok... I know... I'm being silly... good thing you can't see me... I'm just Laughing over here... all by myself!), finish grading, attach the electric (I almost typed "eclectic"... THAT wouldn't have worked), fix all the problems in the house that haven't been touched, put on the front and back "landings"... supposed to be porches, but really... they're too small to be called that (although, if you think about it... "landing" sounds like something really big... as in, where a plane would "land"... hmmmm.... wonder how that degraded to something smaller than a porch? Hmmm... just wondering), and put the block skirting under the perimeter of the house (nothing frilly of course... just cinder block with some kind of coating). Our "contractor" (and I use the term extremely lightly... laughing as I say (or write) it) said we're looking, realistically, at getting into the house in about two weeks.

I'll believe that when I see it. I'd like to believe it because my mom is coming to visit on April 30th. If we're not in the house before that... at least have the majority of our stuff in there so that there are places to sleep... what do I do? There's no room in the tiny room B and I are sharing with Precious and Elvis... I have no money to put toward a hotel... where do we go? I have to believe that we'll have at least gotten in to the house by then... I have to! That gives them, really, a whole month... a MONTH! Surely they can get it done by then!

More updates... Elvis is learning his potty training... a few accidents still, but he's doing ok I think. He's learned "NO" and he's learned "OUTSIDE" and "FOODIES"... and I think he's learned to stop when he hears "OUCH!" because he's playing too rough. He knows "LAY DOWN" also... he tries to play with me and B all the time when we're trying to fall asleep, and B shouts... "LAY DOWN!" and Elvis settles in between us, or between my feet, and finally goes to sleep. The other day B was fishing Elvis out from between my legs, where he'd settled to sleep... actually he was being quite the "butt baby"... nestled up against mine... and B said "Now Elvis I know you're cold, but I don't know how you can handle the heat down THERE!"... and I just cracked up laughing! Elvis just looked at B like "huh?" with this dopey look on his face and his ears all perked up.... tooooo cute!

Ok... Looooonnnnnnggggg pause there... you don't realize it, but I just caught myself staring at the blue watery design on this page... just staring off into the water.... thinking... nothing. I don't know for how long. I just came back into awareness and re-focused. Hel-lo!

I was out several times today with B... even though I'm still sick... I get tired of being locked up in this room all the time, so B, who's feeling much better than I am (he WORKED through his sickiness... poor guy! I don't know how he did it... this is a VERY yucky sickiness... very very VERY yucky!) took me out to lunch today... yay! I had a grilled chicken breast (really grilled well done, which is exactly how I love them) and mashy taters and gravy and squash caserole, and a salad. It was very delicious... I've just been having soup these last couple of days.

Just a sec... ahhh... ahhh...... ahhhhhhhhh CHoooooo!. Ok... I just did that about 8 times... oops... nine. I hate getting started sneezing.... I just can't seem to quit for ages. Wait... be right back... hab to blow by dose..... ok, I'm back.

Ever notice that if you can't speak correctly... you can't write correctly? No, I don't mean those people who have a bad vocabulary and therefore can't spell, or put together a sentence... I mean people who generally CAN do those things...

Well, anyway... for ME... I don't know about anyone else... when I can't think clearly I can't seem to find the right words to express myself, and then I can't seem to write a complete or understandable sentence... well... I hope if anyone reads this they can understand it... I've only had to type each part of it about three times.... type a bit... back up and erase it... type a bit more.... back up and erase it.... my fingers think they're on an "athalon" of some kind... "type-athon"? "type-athelon"? "run onathon"? I don't know. Something-athon like-athon that-athalon. Uh... yeah.

O-tay... just a sec... be right back again. That was a cough-up-a lung break. Shudder. I hate those. I have to struggle a while to breathe properly after that, and I feel like I'm going to pass out half the time... sometimes I get stars... but I just breathe evenly for a while... counting the innnnnn and ooouuuuutttt.... then I'm ok.

I'm not a good sick person. NOT at all. I try really hard not to whine and be all needy, but I think I've been spoiled most of my life. Having been around my fathers side of the family when sick and gotten babied by every one of them that wasn't sick at the time... my aunt would make me noodle soup... my abuela would make me light toast... everyone would make something... tea, or bring me a book, or tuck the covers around me... checking in on me periodically... my dad would come by and talk baby talk (all uncomfortable and not sure how to make me feel better... but he'd try)...making sure I was ok.

Mom would be the same way... constantly calling to check in on me... or when she was home... all the way up until this last year when she went to live with my brother because I lost the house... whenever she was living with or near me... she would come over and help me in the house so it wouldn't be awful and dirty when I finally felt better... she would bring me tea and make me soup and make sure I took my medicine. She would come in and I'd put my head in her lap and she'd stroke my hair and I'd feel all comforted and soothed. Mom would monitor me and make sure my sugars didn't get disastrous... she'd keep track of how sick I was, and if she thought it was uncontrolable, or something that was getting worse, she'd get me to the doctor and come in with me and make sure I did whatever the doctor told me to do afterward. I know I'm a grown adult, but I miss that. I miss that level of love and caring.

If I were visiting my sister and I was sick she would make sure I didn't over do anything... she'd set me up on the couch and put in a movie and bring me hot tea and soup... she'd have the kids be quiet so I could nap... the kids would check on me too... each one showing their love in their own way... one would draw me a picture... one would show me something "cool" they wanted to share... one would sit on the edge of my bed and talk to me and let me pet them... even the dog, Toby, would come over and look up at me with sad eyes as if to say..."so sorry you're not feeling well... anything I can do?" and I'd pet him on the head and talk to him a little bit.

Even my ex-husband knew to baby me when I was sick. He'd keep me in bed and for once in a very blue moon would make me soup, or would straighten up the house so I wouldn't have to worry about it... he'd call into work for me and stay home himself to care for me... making sure I took my medicine and laying beside me and holding me to keep me warm and secure so I could sleep well.

B doesn't know how to take care of me sick. He brought me canned soup... because I asked him to... and then I had to get up and heat it myself... I pouted the whole time, feeling dizzy and tired and wanting to tell him "hey! this is YOUR job... YOU are supposed to take care of me!"... but I didn't. He was gone all day yesterday working and didn't even bother to call me and check on me. I only talked to him a couple of times and that's when I called HIM to ask when he was coming back so that he could bring me soup as there wasn't any and I hadn't eaten anything all day.

Now, I know people are different. I know I can't expect the same kind of loving care and treatment from B as I get from my family, but ummm... REALLY! I think it's because B's instinct when he's sick is to be alone. He sends me away to do errands so that he can have "peace" and be alone... that's what he did this last time he was sick. But I still took care of him. I tried to get him to eat... brought him tempting stuff... kept him supplied with juices and soda's (he wanted them) and cold medication (I have to say he DID bring me cold meds... hence my current state of wooziness). I told him ahead of time where I was going and how long I'd be gone and asked if he wanted me to NOT call so he could rest, and when he said yes I was careful NOT to call... and to stay away as long as I could with my errands. Then when I got back I did everything I could to make him comfortable... removed the pets from the area so they couldn't bother him... whatever I could do, I did it.

Well... like I said... I'm probably just "sick spoiled"... but I like it that way! I think if you're feeling yucky then anyone within reach should want to help and make you feel better... that's how I feel when someone is not well... and if I can do something to make them feel better, it makes me feel good too... isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Ok... I guess that's enough of my "sick" blog.... hope I haven't whined and moaned too much.... OUCH... dang DOG... quit that! B's puppy Elvis is biting my toes.... OK OK... I have to go feed him.... before I end up walking funny. I'll write again soon. :) Hope everyone out there is feeling well and doing fine!

159 Miles To Home

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 04:56:06 GMT

Last night I had a thought... I was wandering in my mind, bored here at the office, and remembered that Monday, on my day off this week, I'd had nothing to do... no where to go really, so I just made stuff up. I took the dogs to two different parks and we walked and they barked at ducks by the lake, and we had a lovely time. The weather was beautiful, and it was interesting to watch the pooches checking everything out. Elvis is looking up to Precious now as a big sister, and it's too cute watching him follow her... she sniffs something on the ground and moves on... he's right behind her to sniff it too... and then run to catch up to her.

My thought was that perhaps I could go somewhere on my Wednesday day off... I only have 8 hours when I can be out of rush-to-the-office-from-where ever-I-am-to-do-a-bond range, so I thought perhaps I'd drive the two and a half hours to Columbus, GA where my friend lives and I'd spend some time with her and then just come back in time to be close enough to do a bond if one should present itself.

It was a happy thought. I imagined we could go to the art gallery there and spend some time among the paintings... we'd gone to the High Museum a couple of months ago and really enjoyed it. They have an agreement with the Louvre and are exhibiting some of the paintings from there... it's a three stage thing. I'd been to the gallery (museum?) in Columbus with my friend before, when they had a special exhibit of Bo Bartlett's work, and really enjoyed that too... it was years ago, but I've not forgotten it.

I probably should have set my clock (cell phone) to wake me up early, but I didn't... so I got up around 9 am. I took my shower and remembered my half-plan thought of yesterday. I called B to make sure he didn't have any plans for us for the day, and he had to work most of it... couldn't even take me to lunch... this was good I thought. I mentioned what I wanted to do, and he was all for it, thought it was a great idea.

I called my friend and she was thrilled too. She said she'd work harder (has her own company) to get her stuff done early so we could go to her family's restaurant for an early dinner (or late lunch), and then we could go to the new exhibit downtown... yay!

I started out, just fine really. I got an ok start, time wise, and though I knew I'd run into traffic in Atlanta, I also knew that I'd still be able to get to Columbus around 1:30 or 2:00 pm... which would allow me to spend about three or four hours and then I'd have to head home... that was acceptable.

Then something went terribly wrong. I don't know how I did it... I've been down there before... but I got off on the wrong 85 going in the wrong direction... it didn't look right, but me, dingbat, kept going for about 1/2 hour until it really sunk in that I was going the wrong way. I called my friend and she said get back to where I started... this was a hitch, but I'd still be able to spend about 3 hours with her after correcting my error... this was still acceptable.

I re-traced my way and got back to the correct 85... only going the wrong way... north, instead of south. Ok, I figured I'd get off on an exit and just go over the overpass and get going in the right direction. Uhhh... not. I got off ok, but then there was this twisty, one way only roads, turn me around and make me sight see because the highway was no where to be found kind of detour... I kept trying however... through tiny roads and past the civic center and back up roads I knew I'd passed over before... for about another 45 minutes before finally, after honking at a guy at a light, I got directions how to get back on the highway.

I called my friend. We determined that it was now too late for me to continue down there. I had already called the girl who works the two 8 hour days I get off per week... I've worked a couple of days for her lately so I could build up some time off too... and she couldn't answer the phones for me for a couple of extra hours. It was hopeless.

Of course, now I was on the highway I needed, so I had to find another overpass and swap direction again... this time it was much easier to do as the overpass actually DID go over to the other side and let me get back on the highway heading north... without having to tour any other parts of Atlanta.

So, my friend and I stayed on the phone for the hour it took me to get close to home again, and it was lovely... I always love talking to her. She's so energetic and fun... she's got a great sense of humor, and she's always very supportive and encouraging.

We've planned it again for next week, and I really hope this time I can pay attention and go in the right direction... I'm going to print out a map next time, like I've always done in the past but failed to do this time, and go for it.

So, I drove 159 miles... to go home... from home. Only me.