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3/13/2009 NEW LIFEHello all!! Forgive me friendly bloggers, it's been over a year since my last blog. Since then I have done many things, gone many places, thought many thoughts (quite a few of them about you all) and actually (gasp!) had a baby. Yay!!!! Yup. A baby. Me. The person who wanted a child since she was 6 years old... who always answered "a mother and wife" when asked the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" After 22 years of trying and failing miserably... 6 miscarriages and loads of despair and emotional agony, I found out on August 2nd, 2007, that I was 16 weeks pregnant. As I was being wheeled... wait, let me start from the beginning of that amazing day.
I was at work, as usual - I worked round the clock back then for ASAP Bonding Co (doubtless some of you will remember), and my aunt was there too... I don't remember if it was her shift... oh, no, she was living there at the office at that time - she'd just moved back to Georgia and was working a couple of days at ASAP to relieve me a little - and we were spending a LOT of time walking through houses and condo's for sale - she wanted to buy one... anyway, I was feeling really yucky... tummy aches - pains, headaches, dizzyness, muscle aches, too much belching (sorry, not attractive, but it's true), feeling disoriented, and sooooo sleepy... no amount of sleep could alleviate my tiredness. Finally I'd had enough and at my aunt's urging I called my husband, B, to come take me to the emergency room. With his usual amount of compassion and understanding (none) he asked why I couldn't drive myself over there... he was at work. Upset... well, actually hopping mad... I said "yeah, ok... why not" and hung up on him. My aunt offered to take me, but by then my anger at B was enough to give me the umph I needed to go on my own, and I left her in charge at the office and drove myself to the emergency room.
Once checked in I apologized for taking up their time with my "upset stomach and achiness - probably just a flu - but I just couldn't take it anymore" and was ushered into a tiny room to wait to be seen. A technician came in and took my blood after a very nice little roly poly of a man with round "John Lennon" glasses and the whitest smile you ever saw assured me that he was going to find out why I was hurting so much no matter how many tests it took. He asked if I could be pregnant and I assured him it was not possible for me to have a baby. Despite this, he said he was going to order a pregnancy test anyway, as well as a ct scan and ultrasound of the stomach. I was comforted, validated, and considerably calmer as I settled in for what I knew would be a lengthy wait... as anything done in an emergency room ALWAYS entails a lengthy wait... channel flipping and dozing on the hard as a board table like "bed" (I use that term extremely loosely).
After four hours without a return visit from the doctor, or anyone else for that matter, I thought I might venture out into the hallway and ask a nurse (or who ever was out there) if they had forgotten me, lost my blood, abandoned the hospital... something. I did so, and was assured by a very nice, although surprised looking nurse (I think they did in fact forget I was in there) that she would check on the progress of my lab work. She explained that they were having trouble in the lab, which was probably why it was taking so long, but she'd check. In the mean-time, she would send me for the CT scan of my stomach the doctor had ordered. True to her word, about two minutes later a nice young man came and settled me in a wheel chair to take me to get my CT scan and she told me that the doctor would be in with the results of my labs after I got back.
After making the trip to get my CT scan, and being returned to my room without having one (the technicians in the CT department refused to give me one because the labs were not back yet and they didn't have proof positive that I wasn't pregnant - and it didn't matter that I assured them I wasn't), the nice smiley roly poly doctor came in... smiling even wider and shaking his finger at me. "This is why we don't listen to our patients young lady" he wagged his finger... What did I do? I asked him in surprise... "you are not only pregnant, you are VERY pregnant" he said... and I called him a liar.
I said there was no way I could be pregnant... it wasn't possible. "Did a doctor tell you that?" he asked me, concerned. No... actually the doctors say I'm just fine and they don't know why I haven't been able to carry to term. "Did GOD say you couldn't get pregnant... because HE's the only one who could..." Nooooo..... (doubt and confusion in my voice as the tears began to fall) I just have never been able to carry... I've had 6 misscarriages (that I know about)... and I was crying even harder now as the possibility that it might be true seeped into my overwhelmed brain... "Is it a happy thing then?" he asked me, looking a bit concerned now, and I stuttered as I said OH... OH YES... I... I just didn't think it was possible.. I sill don't believe it... are you sure? He showed me the paperwork with my name on the top of it... which I couldn't read through my tears... all I saw was several lines with the word "elevated" at the end of them. I said are you sure there hasn't been a mix up in the lab? Those are probably someone else's results. The doctor said "I'm going to send you for an ultrasound and when you see that baby waving back at you from the screen, you'll know you're pregnant."
The nice technician with the wheel chair came back and he looked at me with concern - I don't blame him, by this time I was almost sobbing. He asked if I was ok and I almost yelled "YES" at him... explaining that a miracle might have taken place... I might actually be pregnant though I didn't truly believe it yet... over and over in my mind the prayer, the gratitude, the amazement was repeating itself "OH GOD, if it's true, THANK YOU!!!!.... If it's true GOD, THANK YOU!!!" over and over and over... all the way down the hall to the ultrasound room.
A very nice woman was there and she'd been briefed as to my situation. We spoke just enough to get me up on her table... though by this time all I could say was that I hoped it was true but didn't believe it - how could it be true? She got me set up for a vaginal ultrasound, and she proceeded... and then stopped. She said "I'm going to have to do an abdominal ultrasound... I can't see anything with a vaginal after the first tri-mester". HUH? After what? I looked at her and froze... I couldn't talk for a minute... then finally... "you mean I'm more than three months pregnant? you mean I'm actually pregnant? there's a baby in there?" She realized she'd let the cat out of the bag, which she wasn't supposed to do, so she smiled with understanding (and I think a little joy for me) and said "Yes". That was it. I couldn't stop crying now... she did the ultrasound and was kind enough to tell me all looked good, though I'd have to wait for official results from the doctor... and I wasn't allowed to see the screen at that time.
Got to go... to be continued... I promise. Comments (2)
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